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|Television shortening college games again|
Thank you television executives. You've found another way to make college football games just a little shorter.
I certainly am glad you decided not to cut out any of your commercials hyping your new shows. They are so fascinating - even the fifth time watching them. Gosh, there are just not enough reality shows on right now.
And please keep showing me previews of some of my old favorites. Oh, never mind, none of those are still on. But still it's good to know what's coming on for four weeks, because after that will be reruns.
Because the networks feel they are spending too much time showing football, a new rule has been put in where when a player runs out of bounds it no longer stops the clock until the ball is snapped again.
Hey, that's probably about enough time to show one of the stars of one of your new shows on the sideline or in the stands.
The proposed change will make an out-of-bounds play just like a first down, after which the clock is started when the official marks the ball ready for play.
But the clock will not start until the snap during the final two minutes of each half to protect the two-minute offenses. Even though I've seen games won a lot earlier than that because teams used the sidelines to their advantage. That will teach those darn strategists.
Now, if there are five minutes or more left in a game and a team is behind by at least two touchdowns, I can go ahead and change the channel, because for all extensive purposes, the game is over.
The NCAA Rules Committee also recommended administering a 40-second clock to start play after a preceding play ends, and starting the clock on a referee's signal after a play goes out of bounds. Previously, teams had 25 seconds to snap the football after the referee marked the ball ready for play.
If that doesn't work, maybe we can get coaches to carry tasers to get those officials moving faster and get these boring rivalry games over with faster.
This is the third consecutive year the committee made recommendations to speed up play, a request made by TV networks. Hey, if they don't get the message that we don't enjoy watching a lot of college football, we'll just make the halftimes longer so we can watch more previews of upcoming shows and listen to more of the Keith Jackson-types talking about how great Southern Cal is.
Or, better yet, have more of Lou Holtz talking and we can spend the entire second half trying to figure out what he said.
Hey ESPN, maybe we can put more lumberjack races on now that we have less time for college football.
Or, better yet, let's put another sideline announcer on the field so he can dribble on while the poor guy holding up the game until he is through can stand there telling the officials that, "Hey, we have to wait another 15 seconds before play is resumed. I don't care whose momentum we are stopping."
But that's okay. Folks haven't been counting down the days until the first kickoff because they are tired of seeing Brett Favre start off every Sportscenter.
And to think that it couldn't get any better than continuing not to have a playoff system so that we can keep those deep-pocketed bowl people happy, along comes you guys and gals to help move the game along at a faster rate.
Hey, those guys practice hard during the week for hours and hours. Surely they have to be tired and will be so glad that all that hard work will be for even less time.
So I just can't wait until the fall and all those thrilling new shows. Maybe there's a chance I can get on the new The Apprentice show and Donald Trump will let me be over television executives. You know the ones, they want college football game to really last an hour.
Nothing would thrill me more than telling them — "YOU'RE FIRED!"
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