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Story Archives: Checking out the movies
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|Checking out the movies|
It's been a while since I've had a movie column lately. Obviously no one has missed it. That's OK. I hope your next barrel of popcorn is stale (yeah right, like that's going to be fresh anyway) and your keg of Coke makes you miss half the movie.
Actually this year's movies have been about as good as the Southeastern Conference in football this year.
You have Christian Bale and Vince Vaughn, but after that you have a lot of Bradley Dale Peveto and Doug Mallory. I don't have the heart to pick on Jarrett Lee and Curtis Taylor anymore. By the end of last season Jarrett must have felt like a mailman dropping off letters at an animal shelter.
Actually I didn't realize how bad a year it's been for movies until I looked up a list of the top 100. Beverly Hills Chihuahua is No. 21 for the year, for goodness sakes.
So I know you need the real lowdown of what these movies are about.
Of course, the biggest seller was Batman, The Dark Knight. The sports movie starred Plexico Burress and his aliases, Michael Vick, John Rocker, Stephen Marbury and Manny Ramirez.
Four Christmases - This is a story about what it's going to be like if the New Orleans Saints ever get to the Super Bowl.
Twilight - This was first named Run to Twilight, an adaption of the book Run to Daylight. It's about the career of O.J. Simpson and the only time he now gets outdoors.
Changeling - The story of college football coaches.
The Secret Life of Bees - The story of the New Orleans Saints quarterback. Oh, sorry, I thought that said Brees.
Beverly Hills Chihuahua - A documentary on the newest analyst on ESPN. Hey, can't be any worse than Lou Holtz or Shannon Sharpe.
Eagle Eye - Not sure but I can tell you it's not a documentary on SEC referees.
Role Models - The story of Mount Union head coach Larry Kehres, who in 23 years at the Alliance, Ohio school has won 10 Division III national championships and compiled an unbelievable 275-21-3 record. Besides my good friend Bill Dennis, not a lot of folks in this part of the world know much about this amazing coach, who has turned down job offers at bigger schools, only to sign players those bigger schools pass over to continue his winning ways.
I've Loved You So Long - The story of the love affair between Auburn University and Tommy Tuberville before Nick Saban came along.
Let the Right One In - Auburn fans will tell you this is not about their football coach. This is actually the story of how the BCS finally goes to a playoff system.
Bedtime Stories - The search for the new Auburn coach. The final result puts quite a few Auburn fans asleep.
Righteous Kill - Moviegoers finally get enough of not being able to hear the dialogue because of the soundtrack music being so loud and hunt down the producers.
Burn After Reading - NCAA officials receive an investigative report on wrongdoings at Southern California.
The Haunting of Molly Hartley - Poor Molly gets drafted by the Saints.
Journey to the Center of the Earth - Tiger Woods returns after surgery and golf officials search for his first drive of the season.
Iron Man - The story of Joe Paterno. Any coach who stays at the same college for the number of years this guy has been in Happy Valley deserves a movie.
Sex and the City - An autobiography of Wilt Chamberlain.
Mamma Mia! This is the story of Tim Tebow deciding to enter the NFL Draft and his reaction after being drafted by the Detroit Lions.
Get Smart - Les Miles does not say anything about Alabama during recruiting day in February and Ricky-Jean Francois does not say anything at all.
Leathernecks -The story of the last time the Detroit Lions had a winning season.
10,000 BC - The story of the last time the Chicago Cubs were in the World Series.
The Tale of Despereaux - A remake of The Waterboy starring Boudreaux and Thibodaux's little brother.
Fool's Gold - The story of Jerry Jones becoming owner of the Dallas Cowboys.
Speed Racer - Dancing with the Stars gets a new title going to the big screen and the guest stars for this big screen production are Michael Johnson, Mary Decker Slaney, Bob Hayes, Florence Griffith-Joyner, Trindon Holiday (just hope he doesn't have to catch his partner), Jeff Demps, Torri Edwards and Rocket Ismail. Don't leave for popcorn for this one, it's running time is 20 minutes.
And finally, The Day the Earth Stood Still - The Tennessee Titans defeat the Dallas Cowboys 30-10 in the Super Bowl and Terrell Owens doesn't blame anybody on his team for the loss.
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