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Story Archives: Making resolutions -- why?
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Making resolutions -- why?
The boss asked me to make some New Year's resolutions. No, not Bruce Springsteen.
I didn't have the heart to tell her my New Year's resolution last year was not to make any more New Year's resolutions.
Anyway, here goes.
My first New Year's resolution is not to get excited about the New Orleans Saints until the entire football season is over and they have at least made it to the Super Bowl. Who Dat indeed!!!
Another New Year's resolution is to stop yelling at officials, you know those stupid idiots wearing those striped shirts that can't get a darn thing right and have cost me lots of money through the years and never have made a call in the favor of my team and have always hated my favorite teams.
My next New Year's resolution to stop talking about politics - even after those numbskulls make the most ridiculous laws and rules and don't do anything but sit around —- OK, OK, I can cross that one off.
My next New Year's resolution is not to talk back to the television, even when one of those former jocks says something that just makes my skin crawl and makes me want to press the mute button so hard that the blood rushes to the tip of my thumbnail — OK OK, mark that one off, too.
Moving on now, my next resolution is to not question anything coaches do, even when Gary Crowton calls a running play up the middle on first and 10 for the fourth straight series when LSU has gained one yard total on the same play. Or when he calls the option play with Jordan Jefferson, who couldn't run an option play against the Kiddie Kottage Toddlers — all right, all right, crossing that one off, too.
Let's see, where was I?
Oh yeah, making New Year's resolutions.
I will no longer talk bad about the BCS and continue wishing for a playoff format where you can get the best teams playing for an actual championship and someone who plays two tough games a year will actually have to earn a spot in the title game. All right, obviously that ain't going to happen.
My next resolution is to cut back on snacks while watching ball games. Of course, I only snack when I am nervous. And since I watch the New Orleans Saints and LSU — yeah, yeah, you guessed it - I'm forwarding that to the File 13 pile in that tin can sitting by my desk.
Speaking of which, my next resolution is to clean up my desk. WHOA! WHOA! OK, never mind, my wife just added that one to the trash list. At least she made it in the trash can. That's something else I need to work on next year.
Next is to not get mad when my computer crashes ---Awwwwww @#%$#&$^&$^$%^$^%$%^$&^(*)(*(^^%^$$@#$%@. OK, restart - my computer and resolution.
All right, moving on while still trying to figure out why I stopped doing resolutions. Next on the list is getting mad when teams like the Los Angeles Lakers, New York Yankees, New England Patriots and Southern Cal keep winning. Just a minute, there's Kobe, I've got to change the channel (of course, I have a remote, you think I'm going to get up and change the television after having to do that the first 30 years of my life). Oops, Tiger Woods — still changing. And another resolution — never play golf with Elin Woods.
My next resolution is to get more exercise. Good job, I just leaned over to get the remote again.
OK, that should about do it. That sure was easy. I can't imagine why I ever wanted to stop doing that. |
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