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|Miles' advice to newcomers|
Internet soundbites were created for sports figures such as Les Miles.
Miles will freely say whatever he wants to say, and nine times out of 10, it's something that catches you by surprise. Because of his candor in press conferences, genuine honesty and compelling outlook on the game of life, he's the best man applicable to give Texas A&M and Missouri advice about life in the SEC.
He actually already gave them advice last month by saying they better "strap it up" and that they're "going to really not enjoy their welcoming to this conference." Well said, Les.
Though you think it, it doesn't mean you have to say it, but hey, at least what Miles says is usually entertaining. Keeping that in mind, here's some advice that only Miles could deliver gently and hilariously to the SEC's newest additions.
Which Stadium's Grass Tastes the Best
For all we know, every coach eats grass.
The cameras caught Miles bending down, picking up a blade of grass and putting it directly on his tongue, and just because he's the only one caught in the act, doesn't mean he's the only coach to do it.
So as both Texas A&M's Kevin Sumlin and Missouri's Gary Pinkel travel to opposing SEC sights, they need to know which destination has the most appetizing grass.
Miles will swear up and down that the grass in Tiger Stadium is by far the best tasting, but then again, that's a biased point of view.
Don't Get into a Staring Contest with Will Muschamp
Will Muschamp has to be the most intense man in college football.
From his days of hyping the defense as the defensive coordinator at LSU, Auburn and Texas to his face-melting stare of death perfectly portrayed in the 2011 Florida poster, Muschamp is a scary dude.
Furthermore, the man is straight up intimidating. But that doesn't mean you have to back down to Muschamp or the Gators. Just refuse to look him in the eyes.
Once Muschamp locks eyes with you, it's as if he stares into your soul as if he were a warlock. The results could be fatal.
Never Underestimate an SEC Team
Shifting to a more serious gear for a minute, don't take any SEC team lightly.
Sure, Kentucky, Ole Miss and Vanderbilt are thought to be the weaker teams in the conference for the time being, but they are capable of beating any team on any given Saturday.
Take Miles' 2007 national championship season for instance. The Tigers went 12-2 and beat some of the best teams in the country, but they lost on the road in overtime to a much weaker Kentucky Wildcat team.
And. who knows, with the additions of the Aggies and the Tigers, the Wildcats, Rebels and Commodores might not be the weakest teams in the conference any longer.
Learn How to Pronounce Names
Practice saying the names in the mirror before mispronouncing states in front of the media.
Miles may never live down calling Arkansas, "Ar-Kansas," and though I'd like to bail him out of this one, I simply can't.
It's not like he mispronounced Volunteers, Gamecocks or Commodores, he mispronounced a state. Even worse, he mispronounced a state that's right above Louisiana.
So Texas A&M and Missouri, if you want to be able to turn on ESPN again without hearing yourself be made a fool of, correctly pronounce the names of every team.
Bring Ear Plugs to Tennessee
Tennessee fans LOVE "Rocky Top."
As for the rest of the fans in the SEC, well, it's been overplayed. No one, including myself, will deny that "Rocky Top" is a classic, and because tradition is such a rich part of college football, it's nice to hear it.
It's just not appealing to hear the same song over and over and over again. That's exactly what you're in for when you make the trip to Knoxville, Tenn.
With "Rocky Top" stuck on repeat and fans shouting in a sea of orange, ear plugs are recommended.
Players' Discipline for Marijuana is a lot Less Strict
Unlike the NCAA, the SEC is lenient when it comes to getting busted for marijuana use.
The NCAA will suspend a student athlete for a year, while SEC teams are varied on the issued. Last season, LSU's Tyrann Mathieu violated the team's drug policy and received only a one game suspension.
ESPN reported that a second offense to Ole Miss' drug policy would simply mean the loss of free tickets for family and/or community service.
The article also stated that SEC commissioner Mike Slive said that though they discussed a conference-wide standard twice in his 10-year tenure as commissioner, league members opted against one. Right or wrong, we sometimes care more about football than anything else in the SEC.
Get Used to Hearing Those Cowbells
I understand that cowbells are your thing Mississippi State, but does it really have to be cowbells?
Nothing can make you want to mute a game faster than hearing the metal clang of those cowbells. Well, Gary Danielson's commentary on CBS might make you mute the T.V. quicker, but let the Alabama fans tell you all about that.
Getting back to the cowbells though, both teams will find out soon enough just how annoying those things can be, and we can't wait to hear the feedback on them.
Just imagining the Mississippi State fans rattling those things almost made me a little less excited for the season. I said almost.
There Is a Such Thing as Scoring Too Much in the Offseason
Let's leave this one plain and simple--don't score in the offseason with anybody other than your special somebody.
Bobby Petrino paid the ultimate price this offseason when he was fired as the head coach of Arkansas for lying about a special relationship with a 25-year-old assistant.
Let that serve as a lesson that no coach is bigger than any university in the SEC, and even if you're an amazing coach like Petrino, you too can be cut.
In light of this tragedy for Razorback fans, you sure have to love the clever signs crafted by some of the Arkansas faithful.
It's All in the Shoes
Last but certainly not least, you have to always remember that when things are going right, "it must've been the shoes!"
Through Miles relationship with Scott Van Pelt, he received a pair of shoes and decided to create a hilarious video of him playing basketball with his kids.
Oh, and I almost forgot. Figuring out Miles is about as pointless as LSU's offense in the 2012 BCS natinoal championship game.
Jake Martin is a summer intern with the Sentinel. He is sports editor for the Nicholls Worth and a featured columnist for Bleacher Report.
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